A Fat Girl in the Real World

Come On Over

2010-07-28T18:49:00.000-07:00

I am stilling blogging on my daily blog A Girl in the Real World. Weight loss and healthy living will still be a topic, just not the only topic. I'd love to see some of y'all over there.

Time for Goodbye

2010-07-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess this is the end. Not of my "diet" or of my commitment to live a healthier lifestyle, but of this blog. I have made the journey. I have found my way out of the mindless eating and stationary living. Three years ago, I was 26 years old...211 lbs...in a size 24 pant. I was unhealthy. I couldn't walk down the street without being winded. My body hurt just laying in bed.

Around May 2007 I joined weight watchers for the first time, for a three month period. I lost 20 lbs. But by December 2008, I was back up to 199. The day after Christmas I joined weight watchers again. July of 2008 I started this blog, I weighed 171. After a year of blogging, a year and three months of weight watchers, and three years of a lifestyle overhaul I have lost a total of 61 lbs.

It wasn't easy. Sometimes it was down right hard. There is a lot of temptation out there..food and drinks. I didn't always feel like working out..and still struggle with that. But, no matter what set backs I had I always made an effort to stay positive, to keep sight of the big picture, and to get back on the horse.

I had a lot of support. Weight Watchers was a wonderful guide for me. My husband, who was willing to try new recipes and all sorts of new low-cal, fat-free, healthy things. My huge cheering section..my family, my friends, my READERS! Everyone has been so supportive and encouraging through this whole process.

Three years ago I never thought I would be where I am, or feel like I feel. I thought I was going to be big forever. I had given up on being healthy. I had given up on me. I still can't get over being able to run..or actually WANTING to run. I still can't believe that I can lay in bed without being in pain. I love being able to just buy a shirt without having to try it on, or stretch it out first before it fits right. I love being able to look at myself in the mirror and like what I see.

So, I have made the journey back to myself. And if I can do it, anyone can do it. I MEAN IT! All it takes is one step, the first step. Are you ready to start your own journey?

Weigh In and Happy 4th

2010-07-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

This week's weigh in: 151.2

Bust: 37
Waist: 32
Hips: 41.2
Thighs: L:24/R:25
Arms: L:13/R:12

Shew! Back to normal this week. I went to Zumba again on Monday, even though I didn't want to. I was very tired. But I knew how bad I had been with my eating the week before so I made myself do it. It was fun, although not as good of a workout as the first Zumba class I went to. Different instructors, they rotate classes.

I put my bikini on today to give the dogs a bath. lol. It's just easier to get in the tub with them. I feel more comfortable in now than I did when I went to Hawaii. It still amazes me that I am wearing it at all, after so many years of wearing no bathing suit ever.

I hope you all have a happy 4th! Be safe, have fun, and treat yourself just a little bit. It is a birthday celebration after all.

Summertime Fun

2010-06-29T17:49:00.000-07:00

Weigh In and a Relapse

2010-06-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

Weigh In: 154.4

Ouch! I had to expect it though. Last week, I was bad. Very, very bad. I ate a lot of really bad stuff. Brownies. Fried chicken. Tortilla chips. Banana Pudding. Oh my. That's alright though. At least I can recognize that I did not do very well. And yesterday I told Jeremy that eating like that didn't make me feel very good. So, it's back on track this week.

I haven't done a very good job sticking with the 30 day challenge. I'm not that disappointed because I've probably worked out more in the last few weeks than in the previous two months combined. I went to the free Zumba class on Monday and even got up early yesterday to go again..and the class was cancelled. Boo. But since I was up and already dressed to work out I took the dogs for a jog walk around the block. We ran for a good portion of it and I am quite surprised that I'm not in pain today. Good sign.

Here is to getting right back on the horse!

Top Weight Loss Blog

2010-06-26T17:55:00.000-07:00

Brought to you by: Online Schools

Things I Love

2010-06-22T16:15:00.000-07:00

Zumba!!

FREE Zumba!!

My co-worker told me about a local church that was offering free Zumba classes twice a week. I went last night and it was a great workout. And SO much fun! Great music, great moves. I left all sweaty but with a smile on my face.

It's hasn't helped just me..

2010-06-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

I read on many other weight loss blogs about the struggles of trying to be on a 'diet' when the rest of your family isn't. I read about kids that don't/won't eat salads. I read about husbands that are 'meat and potatoes' kind of guys that don't want to have their eating habits altered. Everyone has their hurdles to overcome but I'm lucky enough not to have to worry about what everyone else wants to eat. My husband is very, very supportive in everything I do..especially my weight loss. We tried all sorts of new recipes. He would eat all of them..even if he still ate seconds or thirds. We never made two separate things for dinner because he didn't want to eat what I was eating.

In the end, when he saw my results, it only encouraged him to try it for himself. And he joined weight watchers. Now, months later..he's dropped 30 lbs. He looks great and I can tell he feels great. And it makes me very proud to think that I inspired him.

Jeremy with his Mom a few years ago

Me and Jeremy, New Years Eve 2008 (I had just started WW)

Me and Jeremy, New Years Eve 2009 (He wasn't on WW yet, but you can already see the difference in him because he was eating what I was eating)

Me and Jeremy in Hawaii, March 2010

The Weekend That Nearly Killed Me

2010-06-13T15:29:00.001-07:00

My Mom and I went to Dallas to see Wicked with my sister. The show was awesome. We stayed with my Aunt and she had me and my sister up at 8:00 on Saturday morning to work out. We did a Jackie Warner workout. Now, I've done the Shred and watched the biggest loser...and even though Jillian is intense because she is a hardcore in-your-face trainer..Jackie nearly killed me. Jackie doesn't yell..no screaming or getting in your face. But by the end of the 45 minute workout I wanted to punch her in the face..more so than I have ever wanted to punch Jillian in the face.

And then, this morning, we were outside to do a two mile walk. No big deal, right? Except the humidity was horrible. And I was wearing borrowed tennis shoes that were pinching my heels. AND every movement was painful because of JACKIE WARNER. Ugh! By the time we got back to the house and I stripped to get in the shower I was dripping sweat all over. I know, that is so gross! But I don't EVER sweat like that.

So, here I am..after a fabulous weekend with my mom and sister (and aunt Gail AND Julia). After seeing a wonderful show. After having some great food. And..every muscle hurts. Every. Single. One.

No pain, no gain. Right? *groan*

Calories In, Calories Out

2010-06-10T17:36:00.000-07:00

As I sat in the breakroom at work, enjoying my Lean Cuisine lunch, I overheard two other co-workers talking to each other. They are usually in there when I am at lunch time, and I have gathered from other conversations that they are both trying to lose weight. So, on this day, the topic was the same...weight loss. One of them made the comment, 'Losing weight is easy. It's calories in, calories out. It's that simple'.

I can't really argue with that logic. It is that easy. It SHOULD be that easy. If you are burning more calories than you are consuming you shouldn't gain any weight. But, it really had me thinking about why it ISN'T that easy for a lot of people. And it all comes down to our relationship with food. Many, many people have a very unhealthy..even abusive..food relationship.

For many people, eating isn't just a means to fuel your body. It turns into a coping drug. You eat when your happy. You eat when your sad. You eat when your bored. You eat to celebrate, to mourn, to relax, to socialize. You tell yourself 'just one more bite', 'I have to finish my plate', 'Its just a splurge', 'I don't want to be rude'. You eat and eat and eat until you are miserably stuffed and sick to your stomach.

In my journey, those bad foods...those extra bites...those "splurges"..have become like the drug dealer on the corner. It would be so easy to indulge (and sometimes I do, more frequently than I should or like). It would be simple enough to give in to the 'drug'. But, I have to remind myself that my body, which was suffering in the unhealthy relationship with the food, deserves to be happy and healthy. My body does so many amazing things for me and it's my responsibility to take care of it.

But, it's not always easy. And I know, for me at least, it's a little more complicated than 'calories in, calories out'.

Weigh In..I mean, no weigh in

2010-05-30T15:41:00.000-07:00

This staying off the scale business is a little harder than I thought. OOOOkkkk, I'll just give y'all a little update on how my 30 day challenge is going. I'm doing ok..just ok. I still haven't worked out every day. But I can say I have done more in this one week than I have in a really long time. So that counts for something I guess. That Gilad guy that I posted about last time kicks my butt. Those workouts are only 7-10 minutes long and yet I'm feeling them for days afterwards. Effective? I'd say so.

I did some type of workout twice this week. And then my sister and I went for a good long walk yesterday morning. It's not great..but its something at least and I'll take it.

Now, to try and recover from this weekend. So much good food to eat..

Fitness Challenge

2010-05-24T11:56:00.000-07:00

SSSooo, the focus of this year was suppose to be about toning up rather than losing weight. We all see how well THAT has been working out for me..like not at all. I'm trying to re-direct myself, re-focus, re-energize, re-motivate. I did a quick google search (I love google) for fitness challenge. I figured maybe that is what I needed to sort of jump start my 'get up and do'. I came across the About.com 30-day Fitness Challenge

Just looking it over it doesn't look like a very intense program, instead focusing on doing what you can..even if its something simple..every day. I like this idea. So I decided to give it a try and signed up.

The Day One email was about getting ready for the 30-day challenge. What did that entail? Putting away all weight loss paraphernalia..like the scale and tape measure. Um, oookkkkk. I will try to stay off the scale for the next 30 days. But I'm not making any promises. It also says to keep a journal..hello, that is exactly what this blog is. I like the overall tone of the emails though, they make it clear that this is all suggestion and do what you are comfortable with.

So, on to todays email. It is broken down into five different parts. Activity, Exercise, Flexibility, Nutrition, and Mind/Body.

The Activity Challenge: Accumulate at least 15 minutes of walking up stairs or hill-climbing. I don't have stairs. I could walk the KOA. Hm..or take the dogs on a long walk. Maybe I'll have a Facebook dance party later.

Exercise Challenge: 30 minutes of medium-high intensity cardio exercise. I went here to Discovery Health and did Gilad Core Challenge, Gilad Hips and Thighs, and Gilad Cardio Basic. They are short little workouts but intense..especially that hips and thighs one. My outer thighs were crying for mercy.

Flexibility Challenge: Stretch for 5 minutes after your cardio workout. I did the Total Body Stretch suggested in the email.

Nutrition Challenge: Eat at least one serving of veggies with every meal. Well, that was a fail for today, sort of. I had left overs from Chilis for lunch. It was a Buffalo Chicken Ranch sandwich. So, it did have tomatoes and lettuce on it..if that counts. Also we are having baked potatoes for dinner. Potatoes are a vegetable..right?

Mind/Body Challenge: One-Minute Meditation. Just one minute. That's all. Not hard, right? Let's see if you can do it. Find a quiet place and just sit and breath for one whole minute. I did it, it was very nice. My mind might not have been totally focused, but it was still nice to take a minute to just relax and listen to the birds singing outside.

Weigh In and More Excuses

2010-05-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

This weeks weigh in: 151.8
Last week: 150.4

Man-o-man, has it been a busy week. I did the shred one time this week. =/ I really wanted to do it more than that but other things were happening. Well, actually only one other thing was happening...painting the house. Nearly every day this week we would get home from work, eat dinner, walk the puppies, and then paint until it got dark. I was just...too...tired to work out. I know that sounds so lame, but it's the truth.

New Treat

2010-05-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

We are always on the hunt for new treats that are healthier but still satisfy our sweet tooth. Today at the grocery store, as we were picking up our usual Skinny Cow cones and Weight Watcher ice cream candy bars, a new treat caught Jeremy's eye. They are called Jala Bars.

According to the packaging and website, they are all natural and packed with vitamins, antioxidants and probiotics. I don't know anything about all that...I just want it to taste good. So, he grabbed the vanilla blueberry swirl and vanilla pomegranate swirl. There is also lemon green tea swirl and chocolate fudge. I just tried a blueberry yogurt bar and WOW! It was delicious. It has a very creamy texture and just the right amount of sweetness to satisfy that sugar craving. I am impressed and very satisfied. I think I might grab the chocolate bars next time..chocolate is my weakness.

Weigh In and OMG

2010-05-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

This weeks weigh in: 150.4
Last week: 152.2

Total loss: 1.8

Bust: 38
Waist: 31.5
Hips: 41
Thighs: L:24/R:25
Arms: L:13/R:12

ACK! I can't believe it! I had to step on the scale THREE times just to make sure it wasn't playing a joke on me (scales have a warped sense of humor). I nearly ran outside to tell my husband the good news..but then remembered that I was naked and the neighbors might not appreciate the view.

I just keep looking back at old photos of myself and I still can't believe how big I use to be...or how far I've come. I DID IT! I set a goal and I reached it. It took me a lot freakin' longer than I had originally thought...but I still did it. My journey isn't over, healthier living is a life-long commitment that goes way beyond the number on the scale. But, I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for reading my blog, thank you for being on this journey with me, thank you for cheering me on, for building me up, for pushing me forward. Your support means so much to me.

A bone to pick

2010-05-13T13:41:00.000-07:00

My husband brought this to my attention a few weeks ago, the whole hoopla about FOX and ABC hmmm-hawing about airing this Lane Bryant ad during prime time. They claim there is too much cleavage:

Are you kidding me? Let's look at a Victoria's Secret PUSH UP bra commercial that I have seen all over TV:

I think the cleavage quota is about the same. So, what could the REAL problem be? Surely not the fact that the Lane Bryant commercial features a curvy "plus size" woman? That can't POSSIBLY be it.

I thought we were making a move in the right direction. When are they going to get it...skinny or curvy, women are sexy!

Weigh In and I'm a Yo-yo

2010-05-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

This week weigh-in: 152.2
Last weigh-in: 151.8

Total gain: .4 ozs

Bust: 38
Waist: 32
Hips: 42
Thighs: L:23.5/R:24
Arms: L:13/R:12.5

Y'all, I didn't do a darn thing yesterday. I hardly even got out of bed. Instead I read an entire book on my kindle (vampire romance..I can't seem to stop reading them lately) and watching the Mother's day marathon of Deadliest Catch. But, one thing I did do was weigh in. I just didn't blog it..I didn't even TOUCH the computer yesterday.

Anyway, not much of a difference from last week. I feel like I am in a holding pattern with these last two pounds. I'm not really frustrated as I'm pretty happy with my weight but it would be nice, so very nice, if I could just HIT the goal I set for myself..even if I don't stay there.

Things I Love

2010-05-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

Being able to cross my legs. Without having to squeeze my knees together. Without my thighs burning. Without my foot being way up in the air. I can just cross my legs..and not worry about it anymore.

Sometimes, it's the little things.

A Windy Road to a Pep Talk

2010-05-03T13:43:00.000-07:00

I've been reading up on BMI's and healthy weights. And on WebMD, I read:

"It's important to remember that your BMI is only one measure of your health. A person who is "overweight" according to BMI charts, but not "obese" may be healthy if he or she has healthy eating habits and exercises regularly."

SSSooo, even though your little chart there blatantly labels me as 'overweight'..I might not really be overweight? What is up with that crap? It's like they are playing mind games with us.

For most people, the goal for a healthy waist is:

Less than 40in for men.
Less than 35in for women

Ok, according to that, I'm good. Right? How confusing. Should you judge your weight health by a scale? By a chart? By the mirror? By the clothes you wear? By how you feel? How do you tell when you are at the finish line?

I think for me, emotionally, I knew I was in the home stretch (still am, but I can see that finish line) when another woman was voicing her frustrations with her body. She felt like she needed to drop 10 lbs but she was trying on a six 6 dress. I am NOT here to judge her. That is her prerogative and we all have our demons, issues, whatever you want to call them. BUT, here is the thing that got me, I was trying on a dress that was two sizes bigger but it didn't make me look at myself in a negative manner. That's when I knew I was over-coming my OWN demons.

I know how easy it is for women to fall into that trap of needing to be as good as HER. You know HER..the girl trying on the size 6 dress, the girl in the magazine, the girl on the TV, the girl that sits next to you at work. According to most high fashion designers if you can't fit into a size zero you aren't worth sniffing at. We have a lot of pressure all around us to be thinner. So we kill ourselves with yo-yo diets, disappointment, binges, working out, guilt, and self-hate. And for what? To get into a smaller size?

And the sad thing is, there are women out there who would look at me in my bikini and think 'I would never be caught dead in a swimsuit if I was as big as her'. But, those are HER issues talking..and that doesn't have anything to do with me.

The whole freakin' point of all this is..we are women..beautiful women. No matter what size or how fit. Some of the most prized and valued pieces of art have cracks and flaws. So, go take a real good look at yourself in the mirror and smile and tell yourself that you are priceless..just as you are.

Weigh In and a Failure

2010-05-02T14:42:00.000-07:00

This week weigh-in: 151.8
Last weigh-in: 153.4

Total loss: 1.6 lbs

Bust: 38
Waist: 32.5
Hips: 42
Thighs: L:24/R:24.5
Arms: L:13/R:12.5

Hi. How are ya? I've been...busy, and slightly stressed. I thought for sure it would have a negative effect on my weight, but I've been holding steady and actually lost some weight last week. I'm not sure how my weight is going down without my measurements going down, but whatever.

The working out still isn't happening. I can't even tell y'all how disappointed and frustrated I am with myself. I don't know what I need to do to kick start it, I really don't. I guess I should be satisfied with my 1.6 lb weight loss, but I can't help but feel like I am failing!

Stress Eating/Drinking

2010-04-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

If you happen to read my other blog you will know that we have decided to sell our house and buy a new one.

Sounds so easy, right?

Lots of people do it all the time, right?

Well, although I know it is all going to work out in the end (and I DO know that)..it's still stressful. And you know what that makes me want to do? Eat. And drink. Which is what I've been doing. Just a bunch of empty calories at the end of every day.

I have officially fallen off the wagon. And with all this other stuff going on..I'm not sure when I'll be back on.

Weigh In and I'm a lazy ass

2010-04-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

This week weigh-in: 153.4
Last week weigh-in: 155.0

Total loss: 1.6 lbs

Bust: 37.5
Waist: 33
Hips: 42
Thighs: L:24/R:25
Arms: L:12/R:12

At least my weight is back to 'normal'. It would seem that my vacation eating didn't hinder me too much. But, I'm still stuck in a bit of a rut. And I'm not confused as to why. I know what I should be doing, that I am totally NOT doing. My eating is sleeping. My exercise is still laughable. I did get out for a good long walk at the start of the week and then the weather turned nasty and it rained for two days straight. I walked yesterday to for Autism Speaks, but it was too crowded (which is a good thing) to get a good pace going..I didn't even break a sweat. And I did get down on the floor and do some ab moves and leg/hip burners while I watched my shows. So, I at least did SOMETHING. But, it's really not enough. It's all about calories in and calories out..and I know that I am putting more in than I am burning off. I need to sweat it out! Which means stuff like..kickboxing and the shred. Back to the grind, seriously.

Weigh In and I'm surprised.

2010-04-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

This week weigh-in: 155.0
Last weigh in: 153.6

Total gain = 1.4 lbs

Bust: 37
Waist: 32
Hips: 42.5
Thighs: L:24/R:25
Arms: L:12.5 /R:12

Ok, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Considering I ate everything under the sun while we were in Hawaii. And when I went for my spa treatments at the hotel I stepped on their scale - which I shouldn't have done, according to my husband, because it was vacation - and IT read 158!! ACK!

155 is the weight that I had set in my head as my alarm weight. Meaning, as long as I stay under this weight I won't go into panic mode. It's not technically a healthy weight for my body type according to the "experts" but my body seems to be happy around this weight. So, I have a guideline for myself so that I don't ever lose track again and go back to where I was.

Anyways, I have a whole post planned about all the yummy foods I was able to enjoy while on vacation. It will be posted over on my regular blog. Now that we are back to the real world and I am officially at my ALARM weight, this next week will be about cracking down on the extra eating and trying to workout (which I still haven't found the motivation to do..its a real problem).

Damage Report

2010-04-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

Hawaii was wonderful! And the food..oh my goodness..the food. Every meal was delicious. I ate a lot...of everything. I don't expect the Sunday weigh-in to be very pretty at all.

Denied!

2010-03-24T15:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, two things.

1. On Monday evening we did our grocery shopping. We usually do it on the weekend but since I was out of town we had to do it Monday. As we drove to the store the aroma of fast food teased us, as we shopped the in-store kitchen taunted us. We talked about how good Chinese food would be..or a hamburger..mmmmmmm. But once we got in the car to go home I put my foot down and made us go home to have our normal dinner. YAY for me!

2. Last night my husband was out jamming with his friends. I was home all alone all evening. I had my usual evening treat..a low-cal fudge bar. And after I had it, an evil little thought popped into my head. 'Have another one....no one will ever know.' Oh, I was tempted..very tempted. But, I told myself NO! Double YAY for me!

Sometimes it's the little victories that get us through the day.

Weigh In and Rock Climbing

2010-03-22T13:52:00.000-07:00

This week weigh-in: 153.6
Last week: 154.8

Total loss = 1.2 lbs

Bust: 37
Waist: 33.5
Hips: 41.5
Thighs: L:24/R:24.5
Arms: L:12.5 /R:12

My sister took me indoor rock climbing this weekend. That's me way up there on the wall and my aunt down on the ground. I had a really great time learning about this new activity. I mean new to me. lol. My sister really loves it and wants to share it with everyone. For my first time I think I did very well. And another woman there happened to mention that you can burn up to 1000 calories with one hour of rock climbing. I automatically thought 'I am SO blogging that'. So there you have it...go forth and in-door rock climb. Trust me, its fun!

On a side note, there will be no weigh in post next week (or probably any posts at all) because I will be in HAWAII!! I can't wait!!

Weigh in and I feel fat..but its just my hormones talking.

2010-03-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

This week weigh-in: 154.8
Last week: 154.8

Zero Change.

Bust: 38
Waist: 33.5
Hips: 42.5
Thighs: L:24/R:24.5
Arms: L:12.5 /R:12.5

Whoa! A two inch gain on my waist? NO! Actually my monthly visitor has arrived...today...boo. And this last week I have been feeling very bloated even though my clothes aren't really fitting me any tighter. So, it might just be bloating. It's still yucky.

Overtime is easing up at work..thank goodness. So, I am going to try very hard to workout this week. As a matter of fact I just told Jeremy that he might need to 'encourage' me this week if he finds me being lazy. And I know that he will. I'll report back. Promise.

Let's try a size 10

2010-03-10T18:32:00.000-08:00

Say what?

I thought I had misunderstood the nice David's Bridal consultant when she said it.

Here I am, holding a size 14 cocktail dress and she looked me up and down and pulled a size 10. OOOOkkkkk. I'll try it..I guess.

Did you know that the David Bridal dressing rooms have no mirrors? Well, they don't. So, you have no idea how you look until you step outside. And then EVERYONE gets to see what you look like..good, bad, or ugly.

Let me just say that I was completely SHOCKED that the size 10 dress zipped up without me doing the 'try and suck it in to get the zipper all the way up' dance.

When I stepped out of the dressing room I was STUNNED to see how flippin' adorable the little strapless SIZE 10 cocktail dress was. On me! ME! Ha ha!

As I was gushing to my husband later about my dressing room high he asked if I had taken a picture on my cell phone. I took a picture of my best friend in her wedding dress but failed to take one of myself in the SIZE 10 cocktail dress. Dang it!

I could have done a little happy dance right there in the middle of the very busy David's Bridal..but I waited until I got back into the dressing room.

Weigh In...late!

2010-03-08T18:46:00.000-08:00

Sunday's weigh in: 154.8
Last week:153.something (ha)

Total gain: 1.8-ish

No measurements this time around.

The last few weeks have been a bit of a backslide for me. No working out and eating...everything. Even the husband has noticed that we have 'fallen off the wagon', so to speak. We were out of town this weekend..in Austin. So, I was able to weigh myself on Sunday morning but didn't get around to measuring. And then I didn't even get to post because we got home at 5:00 and dinner, and laundry, and puppies that missed us. Well..you know how it goes.

Today was the same way..work (with OT, of course, but at least its been cut by an hour), then dogs for a good long walk (YAY!..at least thats something), then grocery shopping, then dinner. *shew*

Just not enough hours in the day in seems like. My husband has started to feel sickly and when one part of the team is down the whole operation grinds to a slow chug. lol. We still need to go get a new glass door for the front entrance at Lowe's. And we are cleaning out the back room to make space for workout stuff..YAY. But there is a lot of crap back there that needs to be hauled off to Goodwill. So, I need to start sorting that too.

So much to do, so little time. This Sunday, I promise I'll have a full measurement report.

The Fat Girl Uniform

2010-03-03T14:30:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite things about being thinner is being able to enjoy the current fashions. Now, I know there are plenty of bigger girls out there that rock out their wardrobe..the plus size fashion has really stepped up over the last few years. But, I wasn't one of those bigger girls. I had a few things working against me.

One) I live in the middle of no where. The closest Torid is five hours away. Lane Bryant? Forget about it.

Two) Stylish big girl clothes are expensive!

Three) I didn't love myself enough to spend the time or the money it required to dress cute.

One of my co-workers, Becky, also use to be a fluffy girl like me. Now that we are both a lot less fluffy we love to talk fashion. I admire her slouchy boots and she compliments my belt. lol. Anyway, as were talking fashion the other day I happen to mention the stuff I DID buy when I was bigger. I realized that I had a a fat girl uniform. It was 'easy', it was cheap, I didn't have to think about it and it didn't really require me looking at myself in the mirror.

My fat girl uniform was $5.00 v-neck t-shirts from Walmart, capri pants, and flip flops. I didn't wear jewelry. I didn't wear cardigans or vests. I never, ever, never wore belts. It was a give up outfit.

I love being more enthusiastic about my clothes! I love shopping! I love putting different pieces together! And I'm so glad I am done with the give up outfit.

Weigh In and Overtime

2010-03-01T16:51:00.000-08:00

This week weigh-in: 153.something
Last week: 152.4

Total gain: .6 or so

Bust: 37
Waist: 31.5 (-.5)
Hips: 41.5
Thighs: L:24/R:25
Arms: L:13 /R:12.5

*sigh* About the same. I didn't work out at all last week...and this week isn't starting off much better. I'm just. so. tired. Work it draining me...pissing me off...leaving me mentally exhausted. I come home and have dinner and after that I don't feel like doing ANYTHING. It just makes me really angry. I've been on OT since before Christmas. You'd think I'd get used to it, but I'm not. I'm just tired of it and want my normal schedule back.

I've not been my usual chipper self..sorry for the silence..I try to keep it to myself, you know. Hopefully the sunshine will be back soon.

Stage Fright

2010-02-21T15:24:00.000-08:00

See..I don't know WHY stuff like this makes me so nervous. It's not as if I haven't shown y'all what I look like nearly naked already. But it does make me nervous. So, I'm just picturing y'all in YOUR underwear to make myself feel better.

Here I am..in one of my bikini's.
As critical as I can be about myself, I was watching the weather channel the other night (cause I'm wild and crazy like that) and I caught a little bit of Cantore Stories. He was doing a show about the Big Island and I caught the segment about cliff jumping. There was a girl, who was trying to work up the courage to jump, and she was in a two piece and she was...very...er...fluffy. And as I watched her I thought...if SHE can do it...I can do it too.

Weigh In and Beach Parties

2010-02-21T13:32:00.000-08:00

This week weigh-in: 152.4
Last week: 154.8

Total loss: 2.4

Bust: 37 (-1)
Waist: 32 (+1)
Hips: 41.5 (- .5)
Thighs: L:24/R:25
Arms: L:13 /R:12.5

I can almost hear the ocean..and I'm not talking Hawaii. Back at the start of last year my cousin, who lives in Florida, offered me a sweet deal. Once I reach my "goal" weight..which was 150 at the time..all I had to do was buy a plane ticket to see her and she would put me up for a weekend in Florida.

I'm getting so close to 150 that I can feel the sand on my toes right now. Wouldn't it be cool to spend my 30th birthday in Florida? That's in August. Not too far out...but plenty far enough to drop another two lbs. This just might be my year in the sun.

Countdown

2010-02-19T19:02:00.000-08:00

Oh my gosh! I keep seeing that ticker up there...and the time is shrinking and shrinking!!!! AACCKKK!!! We'll be in Hawaii before I know it. And I can't wait. I really can't. Even though I'm working very..er..pretty hard -gah! I'm really TRYING- to get my fitness on so I can be smokin' hot in a bikini...it doesn't really matter if I end up wearing something over the bikini the whole time or not. We are going to have such a great time that I can't even sweat it.

But...

I've been sporadically trying on my bikini bottom. Just to see how I look in it that day. lol. Does that make me crazy? (ten points if you get the radio reference!) I'm trying to adjust my perception. I'm trying to get more comfortable. Because, honestly, no matter how fit I am..I haven't run around in something like that in a really, really long time. I would probably be just a little uncomfortable no matter what.

And you know what? I am feeling better and better about it. Every time I put them on I think...'Hm, not too bad'. Yeah! Score! I am in amazement that I am even THIS close to wearing a bikini..in public. This is a place I never, ever thought I would be again. And I never really appreciated it the first time around (who does?). So, even though I was slighly bummed when I first got the suits that they didn't just perfectly "fit", I can't stop smiling about the fact that I had the nerve to even buy them.

So, I've been trying to work out. I mean really work out. Like an hour a day. I haven't done it steadily. It's really hard to squeeze it in when you work 10 hour days. But I have been giving it my best. And I will continue to try and hopefully we'll be overtime soon and I can get back to a more normal routine..in which I have time after work to actually get things done. Until then..I have to just keep doing what I can do.

Weekly Weigh In and 3 inches gone

2010-02-14T08:29:00.000-08:00

This week weigh-in: 154.8
Last week: 155.0

Total loss: .2

Bust: 38
Waist: 31 (- 1)
Hips: 42 (- .5)
Thighs: L:24 (- 1) /R:25
Arms: L:13 /R:12.5 (- .5)

I think this is the first time this year, since I started measuring, that I actually lost inches. Every other week it's been losing an inch here but gaining an inch there. This week, it was either the same measurement or a loss. SO, that's good.

Like I posted yesterday, putting on that swimsuit has sort of lit a fire under my butt. I hope it stays there for a long time. I hate making promises..just because I'm not usually very good at keeping them. So, I'm not going to make one now. But I will do my best. That's all I ever can do.

Nothing knocks a girl down a peg...

2010-02-13T13:15:00.000-08:00

like putting on a swimsuit.

So, I got my mail order in. Four pieces..two tops, two bottoms. The tops fit well and I'm happy with them. The bottoms..well...er...um.

I'm trying to keep the positives in mind here. At least they aren't rolling down from being overtaken by my fat rolls. Nope, they are staying up. So, that's something. But, they are just tight enough to squeeze the my hip fat up and out.

Y'all know what I'm talking about right? The hip fat. The muffin top. That fat that sits on TOP of your butt? The love handles.

I don't need it to be gone entirely, but as of right now there is a little too much of it for me to feel comfortable wearing the bottoms. I have a month and a half to see what I can do about it and I plan on trying really hard.

New workouts have been downloaded. I bought a toning ball, a kettle bell, and resistance bands.

The count down has begun.

Lurkers...front and center!

2010-02-09T18:37:00.000-08:00

Hi there.

How've you been?

Listen, I love that you come to my blog and read all my stuff. But, I am very curious about you. I've always been drawn to the silent type *wink*. So, I've been thinking that maybe you could leave me a little comment. Right here. Right now.

I want to know how you found me. What made you come back for more? Is your face over there on the right hand tool bar as one of my followers (I love seeing all your faces over there)? Or do you follow me some other way? Are there certain posts that you enjoy more than others?

Are you a blogger? A mommy blogger? A weight loss blogger? A just for the hell of it blogger? I noticed one of my followers has a blog in a foreign language. German? Dutch? I don't know..I can't read it!! BUT, I did at least go for a visit.

I just want to pick your brains a little. Besides, I ~LLLLOOOVVEEEE~ getting comments. LOVE them.

SSSSooooo, drop me a note. I can't wait to hear from you.

** I'm cross-posting this on my every day blog, A Girl in the Real World, because I want to hear from all my lurking readers **

Weigh In and Feeling the Burn

2010-02-07T09:33:00.000-08:00

This week weigh-in: 155.0
Last week: 154.8

Total gain: .2

Bust: 38
Waist: 32
Hips: 42.5
Thighs: L:25 /R:25
Arms: L:13 /R:13

Holding steady.

Yesterday my aunt and I went for a good long walk. I tracked it out on Sparkpeople.com and it was a little over two miles. Not bad. She walks like Speedy Gonzalez so I was out of breath trying to keep up. Which is a good thing. Got my heart rate going and blood pumping. After the walk we did a 20 minute Pilate's ab workout. Oy Vey! I did the best I could and I think I kept up pretty well considering.

This week, I also did a 20-minute upper body workout..which I'm still feeling. And a quick 10 minute Cardio Sculpt workout that had me sweating. The weather was pretty dreary, a lot of rain and cold (with more to come) so the dogs only got quick walks around the block when the weather permitted..instead of the nearly two mile route we have been trying to get into the habit of taking.

So, I'm trying. I am. That's all I can do. But, I'm still happy with how my body looks and feels. My eating habits have been...well..slipping. It's something for me to keep an eye on. At least I'm fully aware of it instead of being an ostrich with her head in the sand.

AND, I just ordered the swimsuits from Old Navy. Ack! Can't wait to get them and try them out. I'll let y'all know how it goes.

Good food is a good thing

2010-02-06T15:57:00.000-08:00

A while back, when I started reading Happy Texan, she would post about these bagels that were only TWO points. I was fresh to Weight Watchers and was looking for something I could have in the mornings that was fast and easy to carry. I didn't use to eat breakfast at all, but I knew that my habits needed to change. I wanted to try these bagels SO bad, but I couldn't find them anywhere here. Happy Texan even had a bagel giveaway, which I entered in the hopes of scoring some. I didn't win.

But then one day while we were out shopping at our HEB I found them. They weren't there one week and then they were. I fell in love right away. I LOVE these bagels. I crave them when I don't have them in the mornings. And the only drawback is that my HEB doesn't always have them (which would explain why I couldn't find them right away). Like right now, today...no carb check bagels. I had to settle for some OTHER kind of bagel...and they are never as good. Boo. Ah well, maybe next time we go they will be there...waiting for me.

So, since that suggestion from Happy Texan turned out so good I'm gonna try another one. She has posted about these No Pudge Browniesbefore. Yum..brownies. One of my favorite sweet treats...which I haven't had any of in a while because, well..let's face it..they aren't that healthy. lol. I haven't been looking for these brownies as desperately as I was looking for the bagels, but today my eye caught the little pink box right before we turned off the aisle. I snapped it up! And we will be trying them out before the weekend is over.

Weigh In and Swimsuits

2010-01-31T12:18:00.000-08:00

Weigh in today: 154.8
Last week: 155.4

Total loss: .6 lbs

Bust: 38
Waist: 32.5
Hips: 43
Thigh: Left: 24.5/Right: 25
Arms: Left: 13/Right: 13

Just a few slight changes, nothing significant. I can't seem to get my measurements to budge. Not that I'm in any sort of workout routine...still. Even so, I'm doing more now than I was before so I'm not sure what's happening. Nothing is budging, that's for sure. *la sigh* I was actually quite surprised that I didn't see a gain on the scale this week. I've been feeling very blah and bloated. I thought I had gained for sure.

I have swimsuits on the brain..and hardly any of the stores actually have them on display yet. So, I am stuck with internet window shopping. These are the suits that I have on my radar:

I don't want them all, but I'm having a hard time narrowing it down. Last season, the first time I had shopped for a swimsuit in over 10 years, I had a hard time finding tops that supported me enough. So, I've decided that I am going to try an underwired swimsuit top this year. The top two pics are both from Victoria Secrets and the bottom collage are items from Old Navy. I like the idea of having all four pieces on the bottom, so that I can mix and match (and also..the price for all four of those items is very nearly the same as one of the other swimsuits pictured).

Here I am the last time I wore a true-to-goodness bikini..I was in the 11th grade..that was 13 years ago. (I cut my friend April out because she is also wearing a bikini and I don't have her permission to post it on the internets):

Accountability

2010-01-26T16:32:00.000-08:00

My workout for today:

Bootlicious Buns 2

Dance Jam Calorie Burn

Work It Out

2010-01-25T17:14:00.000-08:00

So, I've been talking about my workout routing..or lack there of..for a few weeks now. When I joined Weight Watchers at the end of 2008 I used Exercise TV to help me keep moving without getting bored. I was working out at 9 or 10:00 at night if I had to in order to squeeze in some sort of activity.

As the weight came off the motivation did too. I'm not quite sure where it went. But, I need it to come back. Because losing the weight has been great..but I want to keep it off and it's just healthier to workout. SO, I have been back to Exercise TV.

What I love about it is that they have tons of free full length workout videos. I can watch them right here on my computer. Some of them are just a quick 10 minute workout, others are 20 or even 30 minutes long. You can do a cardio blast or circuit training. Yoga, pilates, strength training. They seem to have something for everyone.

Today I did the20-minute Sweat Workout. The moves were simple, yet effective..which I like. Get too complicated on me and I just turn it off. I did break a sweat...and I did have to rest on some of the cardio intervals (jumping rope). But, I worked out! I did it!

Now...to keep the momentum going.

Weigh In and Straight Talk

2010-01-24T16:03:00.000-08:00

Weigh in today: 155.4
Last week: 156.8

Total loss: 1.4 lbs

Bust: 38
Waist: 32
Hips: 43
Thigh: Left: 25/Right: 25
Arms: Left: 13/Right: 13

I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale this morning. My goal hasn't really been to lose anymore weight, but it's not like its going to hurt. So, I'll take it. My measurements have remained about the same..but that probably can be contributed to the not working out.

I can't say I am unhappy with my results this week even if things seem to be leveling out. However, I still need to get into a workout routine of some kind and I am having a very, very hard time finding the motivation to do it. I could blame it on a lot of things. Overtime at work. I was PMS'ing this week and very grumpy and emotional. I cried at work. And then stuffed my face with all that chocolate. Ugh!

But, really, I'm just being lazy. Dang, that stings to type it out..but it's the truth. I bought a 'SHAPE' magazine at the store today. Hopefully flipping through the glossy pages will give me a little shove to get up and do something. I guess we shall see.

More...confessions

2010-01-19T18:44:00.000-08:00

Ok...I wwaaass just going to post my two cute little pictures and be done with posting for tonight. But, I cant.

I have to confess.

It's almost like purging.

Today I had an urge. And urge to eat. My co-worker has a big bowl of chocolate mini's and I couldn't resist.

I could have just had one. I should have.

But I didn't.

I had seven.

S E V E N.

I feel pretty grossed out about it.

And it wasn't even that satisfying.

(P)ass (M)y (S)weatpants

2010-01-19T18:33:00.000-08:00

Weigh In and the BIG deal

2010-01-18T18:42:00.000-08:00

Weigh In: 156.8
Last week: 156.6

Gain: .2

Bust: 38
Waist: 32 - .5 loss
Hips: 43 - .5 loss
Thigh: Left: 25/Right: 25.5 - .5 gain
Arms: Left: 14/Right: 13

Not a whole lot of change this week in either direction. I feel like I've hit a bit of a wall. I've been doing the Sparkpeople Bootcamp Challenge, but the workouts are short. And although that is convenient, they aren't very intense. I need some results. I need to sweat it out. I'll probably have to go back to the Shred. It's the only thing I've used that gets me some results.

I have found my diet slipping as well. I have been over-indulging. This is no good, and I must rein it in...pronto.

I keep forgetting that I'm not fat anymore. Does anyone else do that? It's like I have to keep reminding myself of how much weight I've lost and what size clothes I can fit into. I find myself still browsing in the Large and Extra Large sizes. I still look in the mirror and I cannot believe that the image is me. I pull an old t-shirt out of the closet and expect it to still fit me snuggly and I'm still shocked at how big it is on me now. My friend Jennifer asked me if I get tired of people telling me how great I look. Not even a little. Because it is so easy for me to forget, to not think about it, to talk down to myself about all the things I still need to work on...to tell myself that it wasn't really that big of a deal.

But it IS a big deal.

A Blog Shout Out

2010-01-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

That's my little sister.

She is pretty awesome.

We were complete opposites growing up. I had very straight hair, she had super curly hair. I didn't have to get glasses until I was in my 20's, she's been wearing glasses for a long...long time. She played ever sport under the sun, I played hardly any. And I grew up with an average weight, where as she has always been bigger.

But now that we are both in our late 20's, things have seemed to even out. I find more and more in common with her every day. Sometimes, if I just glance at a picture of her I can even see a little of myself. She truly is one of my very best friends because we totally get each others 'crazy'. Actually we can be SO crazy together that even my husband, who is a saint, can only shake his head.

Anyway, she has been on Weight Watchers for a while now trying to work it out. Along with my cousin, Briana, and our adopted cousin, Melanie (two kick ass chicks). Together they have been working to keep each other accountable and motivated. My sister started a weight loss blog of her own. You can see her very first post here. I just know that I have gathered a lot of encouragement and advice and motivation from my readers so I thought I would share her blog as well.

Oh My Darling, Clementine!

2010-01-12T17:12:00.001-08:00

Y'all have been holding out on me. Why has no one told me about these little jewels? You are so fired as my blog readers.

Not really...please come back!

We bought a bag of these Clementine Tangerines at the store on Sunday. Oh my goodness, so good. And easy to peel. And the little sections come right apart. And you can just pop them in your mouth like candy.

Weigh In and Sweatpants

2010-01-10T17:22:00.001-08:00

Weigh In today - 156.6
Last week - 156.6

No change (which I'm cool with).

Measurements:

Bust: 38"
Waist: 32.5" - .5" loss
Hips: 43.5" - .5" gain
Thighs: L:24.5/R:25.5" - .5" loss
Arms: L:14/R:13" - they swapped from last week..weird...I'll call it even.

I took the advice of Lil and followed the lead of Happy Texan and joined Sparkpeople. I had heard of it before, and even had an account. But at that time, it wasn't what I needed. I can't really explain why..it just wasn't. That's when I went to Weight Watchers. But, I'm back at SP and enjoying it so far. If for nothing else, it's a great place for recipes and workout videos. And it's FREE. Hopefully it will help me stay on track.

While out shopping today I decided to poke around for a new pair of workout pants. I have a pair of sweatpants and then some other workout pants (they are slippery fabric, like water resistant, maybe?)...but they are both too big for me now. I wore them because I had to but doing jumping jacks while trying to hold you pants up..is well, not very efficient. So, of course there are all sorts of options..especially right now since its the first of the year. I decided to try a nice pair of grey drawstring sweatpants...and I decided to get a medium. I wasn't sure they would even fit, but as I held them up to my legs my husband and I both agreed that it LOOKED like they would. I got home and put them on and guess what..they fit! No more holding up my pants while jogging in place. But, the only problem I have with them is that they are too long. And since workout pants don't really come in 'short, regular, and tall' I guess they think only really tall people work out.

2010: The Year of Self-Love

2010-01-06T18:26:00.000-08:00

So, a comment from Paula on my last post got me thinking about self-image. She mentioned that her daughter had lost quite a bit of weight (Go Paula's daughter!). However she wondered if she would ever be happy with her body, even after getting to her goal weight. I think that this is something a lot of women struggle with, skinny or not. We are conditioned to view ourselves as imperfect. And for some of us the poor body image can lead to being overweight or some type of eating disorder.

I know that I have mentioned this before, but right before I started Weight Watchers the first time around (2007?) I had an epiphany. I was in a tight size 22 and whatever shirts that were stretchy enough to fit. I kind of closed my eyes as I threw my clothes on in the morning. I had been avoiding shopping at the local 'plus size' store because it was just so expensive. But, I decided that I was worth it. Even if I was overweight. I deserved to look nice, and feel good about the clothes I was wearing and how I portrayed myself. I started collecting catalogues from online plus size clothing stores that had a forward fashion feel. My husband was supportive, he re-affirmed the idea that I should feel good in my clothes.

At the same time, I joined Weight Watchers. Even though I was ready to spend a little more on clothes I was also ready to get healthier. I was only on Weight Watchers for three months that time, and I never had to order clothes from those catalogues because I dropped enough weight to get into a size 18. Weight Watchers did help me lose that weight, but I also believe that it was my acceptance of where my body was RIGHT THEN that helped me really start dropping the weight. I decided that I was WORTH it. I was worth clothes that FIT me. I was worth the effort to look nice. And I was also worth the effort to try and lose weight.

It seemed to come together right then. And it all started with a little self-love.

My focus this year is to lose inches instead of pounds. Now that I have my eating under control I want to get into a work out routine. It's all a part of being a healthier me. So, do I still have some trouble spots on my body..yes. But I have accepted myself as I am right now. I can embrace my body as it is right now..jiggly bits and all.

I know its hard to love yourself...right now, just as you are. But, like I told Paula, I really do feel that it is a very important part of losing weight and being healthy and happy. Loving yourself doesn't mean that you can't still strive to improve. We all can improve in some way, all the time, even if it isn't weight related. But, you are wonderful just as you are right now. It's ok to give yourself some self-love. And it might even help kick start that weight loss.

Weigh In and getting kicked out of the nest

2010-01-03T12:55:00.000-08:00

Today's weigh in: 156.6
Last week: 156.4

Gain of .2

I've maintained my weight for the past three weeks. I have done this with very little tracking on WW online. I've been slacking with my data entry but not in counting my points. The fact that I was able to maintain my weight, even over the holidays, is a good sign that I am ready to stop Weight Watchers..or at least stop paying for it. I cancelled my membership this morning. This is my first flight out of the nest, I want to see how it goes. If I can't maintain my weight on my own I will re-join.

Like I said before, I am very pleased with where the scale is. I still have some trouble issues on my body but I don't think they can be fixed with weight loss alone. The jiggly thighs and tummy and arms won't go away, no matter how much weight I lose. SO, this year is all about working out and maintaining my weight. I will still be weighing in every Sunday morning, but in addition to reporting my weight I will also start reporting my measurements.

Measurements:

Bust: 37"
Waist: 33"
Hips: 43"
Thighs: L:25/R:25.5"
Arms: L:13.5/R:14"

Now is the time...get on it!

2010-01-01T08:15:00.001-08:00

Ranch House Chicken and Fettuccine

2009-12-30T13:26:00.000-08:00

What you'll need:

8 ounces uncooked fettuccine
Olive-oil cooking spray
1 (12 ounce) package fresh broccoli florets (I used Birds Eye Steamers)
1 cup diced red bell pepper
1 garlic clove, minced
2 (6 ounce) packages grilled chicken breast strips (we only used one)
4 sun-dried tomato halves in oil, drained and chopped
2 teaspoons minced fresh rosemary
1/2 cups light ranch dressing
1/4 cup grated fresh Parmesan cheese

1. Cook pasta according to package directions, omitting salt and fat; drain well and keep warm.
2. While pasta cooks, heat a large nonstick skillet over med-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add broccoli (which I had already nuked for a few minutes) and bell peppers; saute 7 minutes or until crisp-tender. Add garlic; saute 2 minutes or until browned.

3. Stir in chicken, sun-dried tomatoes, and rosemary (we didn't have any rosemary so I used some thyme). Cook 2 minutes or until thoroughly heated, stirring frequently. Remove from heat.
4. Add pasta, dressing, and Parmesan cheese to chicken mixture, tossing to coat. Serve immediately.

Yield: 8 servings (1 cup)/ Points Value: 5

Weigh In and milestones

2009-12-28T10:23:00.000-08:00

Current weight: 156.4
Last weigh in: 156.6

Total loss: .2 oz

Total loss YTD: 42.6

Ya-hoo!! I survived the holidays...with even a little bit of a loss. All I wanted to do was maintain. And I am so thrilled that I managed to do that. Because let me tell y'all, I indulged. Big time. To the point that I don't want another piece of chocolate or glass of wine for a really, really long time. And for me, that's saying something.

Saturday marked a year since I have been on Weight Watchers. Sometimes its easy for me to recognize how far I have come...other times I feel like its really not that big of a deal. So I lost a little weight *shrug* and then I see a commercial for some other weight loss program and the woman is talking about how she lost 26 lbs on such and such system. And that's when it's easier to see how much success I have had this year. I have lost 54 lbs since my highest known weight. 54 lbs. That's like having my 7 year-old nephew on my back all the time. My mother-in-law showed me an old picture of myself..and I was shocked. It's when I was at my heaviest..maybe even heavier than 211 (which was my highest known weight). I've come so far.

So far in fact, that I am thinking of stopping my Weight Watcher membership. I am very happy with were my weight is on the scale. And I do still plan on trying new recipes..and sharing with y'all what I find (I'm looking into a WW magazine subscription). But, I do need to tone it up quite a bit, which isn't something WW can do for me. That requires more than just watching what I eat. Working out has been the hardest part of this journey for me. I still have a lot to learn in that respect. How to change my habits and behavior to incorporate a workout routing of SOME type, because there is really nothing going on right now. So, that's my next big project..step..move. I have to find the balance. And I know that I can, and I will.

Besides...I have a new motivation, in regards to working out and toning up. I bought plane tickets to Hawaii on Christmas day! We are going at the beginning of April for our 10 year wedding anniversary. And I want to be smokin' hot in a bikini. So...here we go.

The Year in Photos

2009-12-24T12:58:00.000-08:00

January -

February -

March -

April -

May -

June -

July -

August -

September -

October -

November -

December -

Weigh In and Confessions

2009-12-21T17:02:00.000-08:00

Sunday's weigh in: 156.6
Last weeks: 158.6

Loss for the week: 2 lbs

Total loss YTD: 42.4 lbs

Don't ask me how it happened! I have no idea. We celebrated Christmas this weekend with my extended family..which meant a lot of food and a lot of wine. But the food was sooo very good. And I did go walking/jogging (or slogging as my friend Rhonda calls it) with the dogs on Saturday and went on a good walk on Sunday with two of my aunts. So at least I was moving. Christmas probably won't be much better, and I think I'm ok with that. My Mom will be making me banana pancakes on Christmas morning, and I eat them with butter and sugar. You read that right...sugar. But, I must have them..its the one time of the year I get them..and I love them so much. And then my mother-in-law sent me a text that said she had just finished a batch of sugar cookies for Christmas. Do you see how my day is shaping up? lol.

It's all ok though. I have to remind myself that I have come a very long way this year. And putting on one or two pounds is not putting on the 40+ I have lost. I received so many compliments and well-wishes and words of encouragement from my family this weekend. They are proud of me and it gives me the motivation to keep on top of things. When I started this journey, my cousin that lives in Florida told me that when I hit my first big goal that all I had to do was buy a plane ticket to go see her and she would take care of the rest. Well, I am just 6 lbs shy of that goal.

So, here's to Christmas, good food, good times with family, being thankful for the journey and looking forward to the road ahead...where ever that might lead.

Christmas 2008

Christmas 2009

My Reality

2009-12-16T18:16:00.000-08:00

This is a really hard time of year for me. My well-meaning co-workers have been leaving me goodies on my desk for the holidays. Goodies that are the hardest for me to resist.

Chocolate.

Chocolate anything.

And I wish I could be one of those people that doesn't prefer sweets. Or one of those people that can satisfy their sweet tooth with just one piece.

But, I am NOT one of those people.

You would think that it would be so easy to just have a little bit at a time. Eat a piece of chocolate and then just put the rest away. Easy. Simple. No problem.

Except I can't.

It talks to me...calls my name...to the point of distraction. To the point that I must eat it all or throw it away. And it's probably not hard to figure out which it is I do.

Jeremy keeps telling me that it's ok and to not beat myself up about it. But, I'm not sure it will ever be ok for me. I'll probably never be able to just relax and eat whatever I want, not worry about the calories or points I'm eating. I'll probably never be able to just have one piece. And I'll probably never be able to enjoy these holiday goodies without a little bit of guilt and worry.

Being mindless is what got me in trouble to begin with. So I can never let my guard down. I can never shut off and stop counting the points..if I do, the guilt comes crashing in (afterwards, of course) and I'm upset with myself and feel disgusting.

So, this is my reality. A recovering food junkie....forever.

Weigh In

2009-12-13T15:38:00.000-08:00

Today's Weigh In: 158.6
Last week: 157.6

Total Gain: 1 lb

I'm really not very happy with that at all. My feelings probably have more to do with feeling overly stuffed with pizza (Papa John's Garden Fresh) than anything else. I don't want to try and make excuses. It's the season, and I have indulged. And I'm not working out...at all. I've been working 10 hour days. Its just about dark out when I get home, so we barely get the dogs off for a quick walk around the block. We've been having to turn right back around and go out to finish up Christas shopping, which leads to just picking dinner up. *la sigh*

Not good. Not good at all.

What can I do but try better this week?

Sometimes I decide to give in to temptation..

2009-12-12T09:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, at work, a co-worker that sits across the way from me brought Christmas sugar cookies to share. Now, I was never asked if I wanted a cookie. I think they did that on purpose, to help, because they know I'm on WW. But all day I heard her offering everyone else a sugar cookie. I could have turned around at any time and asked for one, but I mentally talked myself out of it....until....

By the end of a very long, stressful Friday (or heck..WEEK) I decided that I was going to go ahead and indulge in ONE sugar cookie. So, I turned around to ask for one and I noticed that the cookies were no longer on her desk. Sometimes, when people bring food to share, towards the end of the day they take them to the breakroom for anyone to take. I peeked my head in the breakroom....no cookies.

I don't know if they were all gone already or what, and I didn't ask. So, I ended up with no sugar cookie. It just wasn't meant to be.

The end of the year is almost here!

2009-12-09T19:16:00.001-08:00

Do y'all know what that means? It means that I've been on Weight Watchers for nearly a year. And I've lost nearly 50 lbs.

I can't even believe it.

Sometimes I'll look at myself and think, 'Whoa! How did that happen?'. I still get a little thrill from slipping on my skinny jeans. I have to remind myself that I don't have to fight with my tops to keep them down over my tummy...because there is no tummy anymore!

So, since the end of the year is around the corner I've been thinking about new years. Here I am last new years:

I've been thinking about my dress for this year...I'm having a hard time deciding the style OR the color. lol. But, I need to get an idea pretty soon. I'll let y'all know what I figure out.

Weigh In

2009-12-06T17:44:00.000-08:00

Today's weigh in: 157.6
Last week: 160
Loss for the week: 2.4

Total loss YTD: 41.4

It's the bagels. It has to be. My husband had gone grocery shopping without me (he was letting me sleep in..the angel) and bought a brand of bagels that I don't normally get. That took my breakfast bagel from only 3 points to 6. He offered to go and get the right kind but I couldn't let the already bought bagels go to waste, so that's what I've been having in the mornings. We went grocery shopping last weekend (we go every two weeks) and I got the usual bagels. That's the only thing I did differently. However it happened, I'm so thrilled to actually be able to tell people I've lost 40 LBS!!!

You can do it ~ No more excuses

2009-12-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

We all do it.

I can't...

I don't...

But...

If only...

I'll never...

Tomorrow..

We all make excuses to avoid doing things we know we should do. I did it for years...still do with some things. When I get the chance to talk to other people about my weight loss and what has worked for me, I hear them making a lot of the same excuses I use to make. I cannot even call them on it because for one..I use to be just like them, and two..I can't make them do anything. All I can do is encourage, be empathic, and share my story.

But in talking to others and reflecting on my own weight gain, I see how often people just don't DO for themselves. They sit there and watch others do it. I'm trying to be sensitive here, because I'm not trying to be mean or rude. I totally relate to the whole 'I wish I could do that' thinking. I thought like that for years about my weight. And I wish I could (see me doing it again..sort of) tell y'all how and when the 'I wish I could do that' finally turned into 'I CAN and WILL do that'. All I can tell you is that it did change. Something inside of me changed.

Because when it comes right down to it, the CAN DO comes from inside of you. A 'diet' doesn't do it. That gym membership doesn't do it. Those size 8 jeans you want to get into don't do it. Having a work out buddy isn't what does it.

You do it.

YOU.

All those other things help and support you. But it's you that makes the decision to change from an 'I wish' to an 'I AM'.

And you know what, I know you can do it. I believe in you. So, no more excuses. Get out there and become an 'I can, I will, and I did'.

Smart Ones Review

2009-12-01T17:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at the grocery store I picked up a new Smart Ones frozen lunch. It's called Chicken Santa Fe. It has zucchini, bell peppers, onions and black beans along with the chicken and a sauce.

Smart Ones is Weight Watcher approved, so the WW points and printed right on the front of the box. This meal said it was only 2 points. I had to do a double take..and then check the box behind it to make sure it wasn't a mis-print. Only 2 points, huh...must taste like crap or be a very small serving. But, I was willing to give it a try.

I had it today and I was pleasantly surprised. The serving was the same as any other Smart Ones entree. And it smelled delicious coming out of the microwave. AND it tasted great! It was almost like a very chunky soup because of the sauce, but it was all very yummy. Can't beat it for only 2 points. It will definitely go in my grocery cart again.

Weigh In

2009-11-29T17:40:00.000-08:00

This week: 160.0
Last week: 159.6

Gain: .4

Total Loss YTD: 39.0

I cannot say I'm surprised, but I'm not bummed either. It was an expected fluctuation. I helped my sister move into her apartment this weekend, so there was a lot of up and down three flights of stairs. I'm hoping that works in my favor this week. We shall see.

I haven't worn these jeans since...

2009-11-25T16:01:00.000-08:00

I've heard lots of women use that very phrase. They lose some weight and can fit into those 'skinny' pants that they use to wear however many years ago. I know a woman that can now fit back into a dress that she wore in high school. That's great! And I'm always very happy for them when they can wear their old clothes again.

But, I don't have anything like that in my wardrobe. I gave up on my 'skinny' clothes. I thought I was destined to be fat forever. I didn't allow myself to hang on to the things that didn't fit me...and hadn't for over a year or longer. Besides the resignation of just being fat...we don't have the closet space for that. lol.

Just thinking about it makes me a little sad. It seems most everyone hung on to at least ONE pair of pants. THE pants that they hope to fit into again someday. But I didn't give myself enough credit to ever come out of the unhealthy situation I was in.

So, I am thankful. Thankful that I pulled myself out of the fat race (ha ha). Thankful that I am in such a different place than this same time last year. And thankful that I can now go buy all NEW 'skinny' clothes.

Thanksgiving Panic..

2009-11-24T16:58:00.000-08:00

I don't have it.

Nope, not even a little bit.

You see, I do not want to stress myself out about 'holiday' eating. I don't want to have to 'plan it all out'. And then freak out if I happen to veer from the grand plan.

I am going to go and eat some really great food. But I will not stuff myself until I'm sick. Instead, I'm going to listen to my body. Which is one of the biggest things I have learned to do this year.

Do whatever you need to in order to ENJOY your Thanksgiving this year. Remember, its just one day and it's really not about the food.

Weigh In

2009-11-22T14:40:00.000-08:00

This week's weigh in: 159.6
Last week: 160.4
Total loss for the week: 0.8

Total loss YTD: 39.4

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I'm finally, FINALLY out of the 160's. I thought I was going to be stuck at 160 forever. I know technically I still have about 10 more lbs to lose, but I could not be more thrilled with how I am RIGHT NOW!

My husband lost 7 lbs this week! I am so proud of him.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-18T18:20:00.001-08:00

Good Stuff!!

2009-11-16T16:21:00.000-08:00

So, I didn't have a great week last week. I totally fessed up, took ownership over my mis-step(s), and now its on to a new week. Marcelle pulled me up by my shoe strings in the comments. Thank you.

And MochaTrina asked what exactly Shoo Fly Pie is. Per Wikipedia, Shoofly pie (or shoo-fly pie) is a fluffy molasses pie considered traditional among the Pennsylvania Dutch and also known in Southern cooking. It reminded me of the centers of Fig Newton cookies. Here, take a look at the sugary goodness:

Enough about last week (I'm trying to forget), let me tell you my exciting news. I went shopping yesterday and thought I would try a size down in the jeans I've been wearing. And guess what? I'm a size down! No wonder I had to keep pulling my pants up. I wore them all today and they just fit so good. And the tops I kept taking into the dressing room were all swallowing me because I kept taking in Larges and Mediums..which is what I've been use to. Nope, had to get a small. A SMALL! I can't even believe I just typed that!! So, now I have to re-focus myself so I can keep wearing my new clothes.

And lastly, the husband joined Weight Watchers today. I hope it works as well for him as it has for me.

Weigh In

2009-11-15T11:41:00.000-08:00

This week weight: 160.4
Last week weight: 160.4

Total loss for week: ZERO
Total loss YTD: 38.6

I can't even complain about getting a big fat goose egg this week. I didn't work out once and the points went right out the window. I was so upset last week about only losing ounces and STILL being in the 160's that I punished/comforted myself with an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I know...I know...it makes NO sense, which is why I am on this journey.

But the set back on Sunday seemed to continue for the week. I could not stay on point to save my life. My husband had relatives in town, one of which I have never met until now, and they brought us Shoo Fly Pie all the way from PA. So, I had to have some even if it was a little piece. I had two helpings of the chicken spaghetti I made. I was hungry and it was so good. I tried to make it healthier by using wheat pasta, but that Velvetta cheese just isn't point friendly. And then my husband took me out to eat Friday night and I had MORE pasta...so good. And a frozen adult beverage. And fried ice cream..and Sonic.

You get the picture. Not good.

But I didn't gain and today is the start of a new week. So, I can't be too upset and I have to try my best to do better this week.

Oh no she didn't!

2009-11-11T19:27:00.001-08:00

This was a note from passiveaggressivenotes.com.

My girlfriends would have had to hold my earrings...I'm just sayin'.

Indulging for the holidays..

2009-11-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

without all the calories and guilt!! Thanks to Philosophy, you can at least enjoy the scents of the season even if you can't eat the treats.

The Classic Cookbook
Enjoy the scents of Pumpkin Spice, Red Velvet Cake, Double Rich Hot Cocoa, Warm Pear Cobbler, Gingerbread, and Cinnamon Buns

The Bake Shoppe
How about Pink Froster Layered Cake, Sweet Creamy Frosting, and Raspberry Mousse?

Twas The Night Before
And of course, Milk and Cookies.

Veggie Quisadillas

2009-11-09T17:15:00.000-08:00

This is a recipe of our own making. Feel free to tweak it any way you like, but be sure to adjust the points value accordingly.

6 HEB homestyle tortillas (I know we could use a different type of tortilla that would save on points, but we really love these so we are willing to spend the points.
1 1/2 cup bell pepper, chopped
1 1/2 cup yellow onion, chopped
1 1/2 cup mushrooms, chopped
1/2 cup pico de gallo
1/2 cup weight watcher shredded cheese
fresh cilantro
1 tbsp olive oil
1 spray butter flavored non-stick spray

Pre-heat oven to about 350.

Spray pan with non-stick spray. Over med-high heat saute all veggies with olive oil until tender (you can season the veggies at this time as well..we used salt, pepper, cumin, and garlic powder). Heat each tortilla in pan until warm (it helps fold them). Evenly spoon the veggies into each tortilla, add pico de gallo, shredded cheese, and cilantro. Using a little water to wet the edges of the tortilla, fold it in half and pinch the edges closed. Pop in the oven for about 10 minutes to let the cheese melt.

You can serve these with sour cream, salsa, and/or guacamole...but I had mine plain.

One quisadilla is 4 points.

Weigh In

2009-11-08T09:45:00.001-08:00

Last week: 160.8
This week: 160.4
Total loss for the week: .4

It's a loss...I guess. I was just really, really hoping to be out of the 160's this week. *la sigh*

A Saturday Funny

2009-11-07T18:42:00.001-08:00

Something I love..

2009-11-06T18:33:00.000-08:00

Well, hey there wrist bone. I haven't seen you in a while.

And how have you been hip bones? You haven't been out to visit in so long.

Collar bone, it's good to see you again.

Oh hai!

2009-11-05T17:53:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say HI! to all my new following-reader people over there on the right hand side. Thanks for clicking the follow button. I love seeing your faces!!

Denial..we all eat it sometimes.

2009-11-05T17:36:00.000-08:00

Watching the Biggest Loser this season, Jillian apparently has been assigned the task of cracking eggs. Every episode shows her actually stopping her people from working out so they can 'talk it out'. There is a lot of focus about getting to the root of the problem this season. And for the most part I agree with the direction. I mean, you can get someone to work out and put them on a diet and have them lose tons of weight. But if there are issues, other issues, that aren't dealt with the likelihood that the person will gain all of it back are pretty high.

Anyway, it's had me thinking about my own weight gain and what my issues might have been. Why was I gaining weight? I try to reference back to the people on the show to see if my issues might match up even remotely with theirs. And you know what, they really didn't. I wasn't unhappy. I didn't feel unloved. I wasn't a fat kid. I didn't get upset and eat. All the usual emotional issues just weren't there for me. So, what's the deal? How did it happen?

I've decided that I was just bored. I started working with my current employer right after I finished high school (and was still skinny). The combination of sitting at a desk for eight hours (instead of cris-crossing a large campus...yes, our high school is a huge 40+ acre campus), having food constantly at hand either through the building cafe or at pot lucks, and having my brain be totally unengaged was making me fat. The work that I have done over the last 11 years hasn't been very challenging. I mean, sometimes there are problems that come up that take a little more thought. But for the most part, it's repetitive work. I can turn my brain off. And because my brain is not thinking about the work it's left to think about those cookies that so-and-so brought in to share (and once I started thinking about the cookies I couldn't stop..which is another aspect of my weight gain all together).

Over the last 10 years, I ate so much that I went from a size 8 (out of high school) to a size 22. I gained a good 90 lbs over that time. And all because I was bored. Isn't that the saddest thing?

Boredom is one of my triggers. A big fat ugly trigger. What is yours?

You scream, I scream..

2009-11-04T18:01:00.000-08:00

MMmmm....ice cream. I do love a sweet treat in the evening. In the past, before I started on this journey, my idea of an evening 'treat' was a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Ben & Jerry's Half Baked was my flavor of choice. That's about 1080 calories at once. Yikes! As much as I love B&J's, I had to find alternatives to satisfy my sweet tooth (although I do "splurge" on a pint of Half Baked every now and again, but its rare). My sister was raving about the Smart Ones Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Sundae. She absolutely loved them. So, at the grocery store last weekend I grabbed a box and threw it in the cart.

The husband and I decided that we would break the box open tonight. There are two to a box, thank goodness or we might have been wrestling over the one. Of course, as with nearly everything, the actual dessert doesn't look as pretty as the box. But that's ok, it doesn't have to look good...just taste good. Now don't misunderstand me, it didn't look bad...lol. We popped them in the microwave for a quick 10 second zap and dessert was served. I have to say these things could be downed in two bites flat, but the whole idea behind Weight Watchers is to learn to enjoy your food. It takes me forever to eat anything because I take the time to really enjoy each bite I'm taking. So, the portion might seem small-ish (although totally appropriate). For 3 points and an ice cream fix, we both give them two thumbs up. It was very tasty and just what I needed. A little vanilla, a little chocolate, a little cookie. Yumm-o!

Here let me show you a pic....

Oops, hee...sorry about that. I couldn't help myself.

Crock Pot Tuscan Turkey Pasta

2009-11-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

This was the first time we had ever used whole wheat pasta. We both agreed that it didn't taste bad, just different. I think its something that takes just a little getting use to, but once you use it over and over your taste buds adjust. Jeremy gave it a thumb and a half up. lol. I didn't season the mixture IN the crockpot, just the ground turkey as I browned it so it was a little bland. But, we both liked it enough to want to try it again and adjust the seasoning. I'll let y'all know how it goes for the second go-round.

Ingredients:

16 oz kidney beans, drained and rinsed

15 oz tomato sauce

29 oz canned stewed tomatoes, Italian-style

2 medium stalks of celery, chopped

3 garlic cloves, chopped

1 cup water

1 tbsp Italian seasoning (or a combo of whatever you like)

1 lbs lean ground turkey

1 1/2 cup mushrooms, chopped

6-8 oz whole wheat pasta (we used Ronzoni)

Brown the ground turkey, seasoning with salt and pepper (and whatever else you like); drain and put in crock pot along with all other ingredients EXCEPT the spaghetti (that's for later). Cover and cook on low for 4 hours or until veggies are tender.

Turn setting to high heat and add spaghetti, breaking it in half. Stir it in and cook for 10 minutes or until pasta is tender. Stir it up again and let it go for another 20 minutes.

Serve it up in a bowl with some Parmesan cheese sprinkled on top, if you want (be sure to add it to the points value).

Serves 8, about a cup and 1/2 per serving: 6 points.

All the cupcakes I refuse to eat

2009-11-02T17:48:00.000-08:00

Weigh In

2009-11-01T12:18:00.000-08:00

Today's weigh in: 160.8
Last weeks weigh in: 161.2
Loss for the week: .4

Total weight lost: 38.2

I'll take it! I try to stay in the mind frame of as long as I don't gain, it is a good weigh in. I'll celebrate ounces!! I'm glad I lost anything at all considering how much I had to drink Friday night. But, I had behaved myself the entire week so I had all my weekly points and all my activity points to splurge.

I'm pretty sure I've dropped some inches as well. My clothes are starting to fit a little loser than usual, so even though the scale isn't moving much I can feel a difference. I feel good. I feel great! So, more of the same this week (except for the drinking..no more of that for a while).

Full-filling

2009-10-31T17:43:00.000-07:00

I just got full eating an apple. How did that happen?

Keep it in Perspective

2009-10-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

Co-worker: I got the baked chips thinking they would be better, but their not.

Me, being caught off-guard: You mean they taste bad? Are the stale or something?

Co-worker: NO..they are 4 points for the bag.

She walks off in a huff. I wonder over there to see what kind she got. Baked Cheetos. I see.

Me: You know a bag of the normal Cheetos would cost you 8 points. Now how does 4 points sound?

Co-worker: Oh, not so bad.

A Message from the Universe

2009-10-27T14:27:00.000-07:00

People who live only for dessert, Jinny, very rarely enjoy the main course.

And sometimes a meal is like life.

Bon appétit,
The Universe

Weigh In

2009-10-25T11:03:00.000-07:00

Weigh-in today: 161.2
Last week: 163.0
Weight loss for the week: 1.8
Total loss: 37.8

I was going to be really mad if I didn't lose something. I have been a point tracking fool this last week. I was going to sleep planning my food (and points) for the next day. I worked out...a little. It's still not what it needs to be, so that's my goal for this week coming up.

I'm actually issuing myself a challenge. I don't want to say what it is here because I am absolutely afraid that I will fail. But it's all about working out. I have a vision in my head of what I want to look like when I got to Hawaii in April. That has to be my motivation. I have a goal to reach and I can't get there by sitting on my butt.

Sloppy Turkey Joes

2009-10-20T15:11:00.000-07:00

Per the weigh watchers recipe:
Serves 4, 6 points each

1 lbs lean ground turkey
1/2 cup green bell pepper
1/2 cup red bell pepper
1/2 cup diced onion
1 cup BBQ sauce
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper
4 medium mixed-grain hamburger roll

Brown turkey in a nonstick skillet coated with cooking spray, about 8 to 10 minutes. Drain off liquid. Add peppers and onion and cook until tender, about 3 minutes.

Add barbecue sauce and cayenne pepper; heat thoroughly, stirring frequently, about 2 minutes.

Top bottom half of buns with turkey mixture; cover with top half of bun and serve.

Here is how WE made them:

1 lb lean ground turkey, 93%lean
1/2 cup green bell pepper
1/2 cup red bell pepper
1/2 cup diced onion
2/3 cup Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce
4 Orowheat Whole Wheat Hamburger Buns
salt/pepper to taste

It ended up being more like 10 points per serving. But, it was delicious. Jeremy gave this recipe two big thumbs up.

Weigh-In

2009-10-18T10:09:00.000-07:00

Today's weigh-in: 163.00
Last weeks weigh-in: 161.6

Total gain: 1.4 lbs.

*sigh*

I cannot seem to get rid of these last few pounds in the 160's. It is making me nuts. I feel like the girl in that beer commercial, trying to break up with the guy in the car..but my guy is the last 3 lbs of fat. She says, "We'll just see each other a lot less...like never" and the guy says "Are you breaking up with me?" and she stutters "No, of course not. Breaking up? Don't be silly".

That is me with these last few pounds. I need to just shove them out of the car.

So, yesterday was grocery shopping day. I warned Jeremy that we might bust the budget just a little because I needed to change it up a little. I'm hoping that switching up some meals will help jump start a loss. We bought whole wheat buns and breads. We bought grapes, applies, watermelon, and cantaloupe. We bought egg-beaters, which I have never tried before (until this morning). We bought nut clusters to snack on. And we are trying some new WW recipes with ground turkey. I'll report our findings if its worth talking about (maybe even if its not worth talking about).

Brunch this morning:

1/2 cup Egg Beaters
1 1/2 slices of smoked ham
about 1 tbsp pico de gallo
about 1 tbsp WW shredded cheese
1/2 cup of cantaloupe

2.5 points for the whole plate.

Ideal Weight?

2009-10-17T16:59:00.001-07:00

Ok, this is going to sounds so very conceited. I'm warning you up front. I think my lack of motivation has been caused by the fact that I look so good. ha ha. I told you it sounded conceited. I have been enjoying all my new clothes. Learning about all the fashions that I haven't bothered to keep up with when I was heavier. I have simply loved all the compliments I receive from my co-workers, my family, my friends, and my husband. I can't even explain how happy it's made me.

But the happiness seems to have drained away the motivation. It's an excuse, I know. I'm trying to be better. Now that I am within lbs of the goal I set for myself when I started Weight Watchers at the start of the year, the big question that seems to keep bugging me is how much more weight do I really need to lose? I've done a lot of online googeling about ideal weight. Unfortunately, but not entirely unexpectedly, the information varies...widely. I've seen sites that gauge my body type..from small, medium, and large..by wrapping my thumb and pointer finger around the smallest part of my wrist. Others go strictly on height, and others more commonly calculate on height and age. I've seen anything from as low as 110 to a high of 140. That's a fairly BROAD range of weight.

So what is correct? Does anyone know?

MMM..Pizza Rolls

2009-10-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

The Steps We Take

2009-10-13T12:09:00.000-07:00

Y'all remember when I wrote about using a scale to weigh your food? Yeah, I mentioned that I got a cheap one from Wal-mart. This is such a perfect example of you get what you paid for. The stupid thing stopped working very soon after I purchased it. I hear my Mom in my head..'Did you keep the receipt?' And the answer is no...no, I didn't. The scale came with a battery so we thought maybe it was a cheap-o and replaced it. Sadly, that didn't really help. It worked again for a little bit and then died just as quickly. Obviously it is not the battery. The stupid thing is just cheap. So I need a new one but now I'm afraid of buying another dud. Any suggestions? What type of scale do you use?

And I also need a pedometer. A good one. An accurate one. I have to do something, anything to get moving. I figure if I can't muster the 'want to' to actually do a 30 minute kick your butt workout on DVD, then I need to at least get out of this house and walk. I'm trying so hard to find my motivation. I had it at the beginning of the year, so much so that I would work out at 10:00 at night if I needed to in order to get it in for the day. I don't know where it's gone but it's pissing me off. Ha ha.

So, I'm on the hunt. For a scale. For a pedometer. And for my motivation.

It's easy..

2009-10-12T18:34:00.001-07:00

At this point in my weight loss journey, it's easy to get distracted. It's easy to let my focus waiver. It's easy to relax...into old habits, even. I haven't exercised on a regular basis in..I don't even know how long. I've been slipping on my WW tracking. I use to be a point tracking fool, and now I'm very willy nilly with it ('Ed..two points sounds good).

It's times like these, when I have to remember where I came from. All I have to do is go into my photo files. All I have to do is take a quick walk down memory lane. These photos serve as two things, as a reminder of how far I have come but also as a warning. It would be very easy to go right back to that. And I don't want to go back, not ever.

Wow, that was hard.

2009-10-11T16:55:00.000-07:00

Husband: 'Hey, babe?'

Me: 'Huh?'

Husband: 'Come in her for a minute'

I wonder into the kitchen where my husband is doing the dishes.

Husband: 'Do you want to get rid of it?'

He throws his head over his shoulder in the direction of the counter. Get rid of what I wonder. And then my gaze wanders over to what he was nodding at. This, this is what he is talking about:

I grimace.

My brain is telling me YES! Do it!. My heart? My stomach? My fat rolls??? are telling me NO! Keep it all!! I waffle back and forth for about 30 seconds. My husband shrugs, he claims to have had his fix of sweets.

Me: YES! I want to get rid of it.

I shake my head no as I am speaking to him.

I hold the bucket out. And then bring it back to take a sniff. Chocolate chip cookies smell so good. I grab for one, thinking I'll just keep ONE and throw the rest away, but put it back.

Me: Do it now!!

But the husband is busy cleaning dishes. Which means I have to do it before I change my mind. I open the trash can and hold the bucket over it. I grimace.

Me: Oh man.

Husband: It's just food.

I dump the cookies and cupcakes into the trash. My husband holds his arms out to me and I move into them.

Husband: Now that wasn't so hard was it.

Me: Yes.

He laughs. I smile.

Weigh In and Sabotage

2009-10-11T12:26:00.001-07:00

Current Weight: 161.6
Previous Weight: 163.8

Total loss for this week: 2.2 lbs
Total loss this year: 37.4 lbs

Oh my gosh. I couldn't believe the scale this morning. I actually got off and got back on again, just to see if it would tell me the same thing (it did). I did a happy dance right there in the bathroom. I was naked..it wasn't pretty. Thank God I had the door shut. lol.

Maybe that means my mojo is back? I sure do hope so. I felt like my motivation was on vacation. My motivation AND my restraint better be back, at full strength, because its nearly that time of year. The time for baked goods.

Example A:

My MIL sent us home with all this stuff yesterday. If I didn't know differently I'd think she has it out for me. I need to practice my mantra 'Just say no'. Lord, help me.

Chin Up, Tits Out

2009-10-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

As I was surfing through other weight loss blogs (its really mind boggling how many are out there. We rival the Mommy bloggers, for sure) I came across a post about weight related discrimination. It really made me step back for a minute and think if I have ever been discriminated against because I was heavy. Or if I had ever maybe treated someone else differently because of their weight. I'd like to think that I have never treated someone any different because of their size. If I have, it wasn't a conscious effort on my part. But I fully acknowledge that sometimes I put my foot in my mouth and trod on toes without even really meaning to.

And as for myself, I don't think that I have ever been discriminated against because I was fat. But now that I have thought about it, I do think I was treated differently. Since I have lost a good amount of weight, I've started to notice that people are much friendlier to me. Co-workers who formally would have said nothing to me are now greeting me in the mornings. People are looking me in the eyes. Now, did they change or did I change? My co-workers weren't giving me the cold shoulder for being fat. It was much more like I was giving THEM the colder shoulder because I was fat. When I was at my heaviest, I didn't want people looking at me. I slumped over, curling my shoulders in (to my Mother's eternal frustration..she hates it when I slouch) to hopefully make myself appear smaller. I kept my gaze on the ground as I walked, rarely bringing them up to make full on eye contact with people passing me. What were my co-workers suppose to do? Contort their bodies in order to catch my gaze up from off the floor?? No. They took the physical cues I was giving off...the 'don't look at me' vibes...and didn't look at me.

Now, my attitude has changed. My physical cues have changed. I try very hard to walk with my shoulders up and back(do you hear that, Mom, I try really hard!). Sometimes I still have to remind myself to get my gaze off the floor, but for the most part I am not nearly as intimidated to look at someone and smile as they pass me..instead of trying to blend into the wallpaper. And because MY attitude has changed (not just my body), the people I encounter on a daily basis treat me differently.

As some of my infamous online friends always say, no matter what size you are right now, it's chin up and tits out. A smile and eye contact can go a long way. You determine how others will treat you, by your physical ques. So, how do you want to be treated today?

Hallelujah and pass the carrot sticks

2009-10-04T13:42:00.000-07:00

Weigh in today was 163.8. That is a total lose of 1.8 lbs since Wednesday (my late weigh in because of traveling). *shew* I cannot even say how relieved I am to see a lose on the scale. I was starting to sweat it there just a little.

All of the traveling is behind us for now. We don't have any other weekend trips planned at the moment. So, it's time to really buckle down and refocus my attentions on eating and tracking my points properly.

My Momma recently joined weight watchers too! I am so proud of her. And my sister wants to jump back on the band wagon soon. We'll be a whole family of WW'ers. lol. Together we can do it.

Crusted Honey Mustard Chicken

2009-09-30T17:09:00.000-07:00

We edited this recipe slightly (to accommodate what we had in the kitchen) but it was basically the same idea. Very tasty, two thumbs up from me and the husband. It will go into our menu rotation.

Here is the recipe, as I printed it from the website. It's 7 points per serving (with a total of 4 servings). Our revised recipe was only for two and was bumped up to 10 points per serving. Feel free to edit it as you might need to and see what you come up with.

1 spray(s) cooking spray
2/3 cup(s) lite honey mustard dressing
1/8 tsp table salt
1/8 tsp black pepper
2 tsp dill, freshly chopped
1 medium scallion(s), finely sliced
1 cup(s) cornflake crumbs
1 pound(s) uncooked boneless, skinless chicken breast, four 4 oz pieces

Preheat oven to 425°F. Coat a shallow pan with cooking spray.

In a small bowl, combine honey mustard dressing, salt, pepper, dill and scallions; remove 1/3 cup and set aside.

Place cornflake crumbs in a shallow bowl. Dip chicken into dressing mixture and then cornflake crumbs; place in prepared pan.

Bake until chicken is golden and no longer pink in center, about 15 minutes.

Drizzle remaining dressing mixture (the 1/3 cup that was set aside) over chicken breasts and serve. Yields 1 piece of chicken and about 1 1/3 tablespoons of dressing per serving.

Back on the wagon..for real this time.

2009-09-29T18:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, so all the traveling is now out of the way for right now. I know that's really no excuse to fall off program so badly, but that's what it is. I was in San Antonio for a long weekend, four days. I didn't have a scale on Sunday to weigh-in. I'll be weighing in tomorrow morning. I'm expecting another gain. At least, this way, I won't have the wind knocked out of me.

Here's to tomorrow's weigh in and taking it like a..er....woman?! lol. I'm going to do better for the rest of the week. I'm getting back into a work out routing. I have to. I only have 93 days left in this year (ok, 92 since today is almost over) to reach my goal of 150.

I can do it!

I was doing so good..

2009-09-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

and then I had a second helping of spaghetti with meatballs and garlic bread.

*groan*

Why did I do that?

Today was a good day

2009-09-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

I turned down cookies and cinnamon rolls.

Score for me.